1. After sleeping with your girlfriend, the rich
dude bought her a car.
Don’t get angry, that will make you an
enemy of progress. Just
draw a timetable for both of you…

2. YOU be 35 years old first class graduate
without job and you dey
follow Lil’Wayne sing ‘I Ain’t Got
No worries’ … YOUR life is on

3. Mumu girl said: “I dated him for
GOOD 10 years and he
broke my heart.” Fool, what’s
GOOD in the years?

4. I overheard a girl talking to her
boyfriend, initially I thought she
was talking to God, because the things
she asked for only God
can provide them
Ladies, the only man you are
allowed to chase, I repeat
CHASE shamelessly is the man that
stole your purse…

5. Why take Marriage counselling
from a Single? That’s
worse than Stevie Wonder giving
Ray Charles &
Cobhams driving lessons.

6. I’m sure your mother did not give
you breast scattered
with tattoos, stretch marks, and
Eczema… Please allow your
children enjoy same.

6. has influenced us too
much these days. I murder
Cockroaches by covering their
face with a pillow and
pressing hard
I owe my life to Tonto Dike. I was
in Coma for 3 weeks when
the nurse played her song on her
phone. I had to stand up… to
remove her battery

7. Nollywood please nah!☹ How can a
ghost fall down while
chasing someone?

8. At 23, yoUr boobs have already
observed eternal rest plus full
time sleeping mode. Yet you are
forming “hard to get”
Aunty, even the devil is weeping for you…

9. Our Igbo brothers in China are
involved if your BB has TV,
MicroWave, Torch, Nail
cutter,Toothbru sh, Lighter and
Food flask in it..

10. “She’s making me bark like a
Bingo… she got me dancing
Alingo” …I still don’t understand
why Mary Slessor
stopped the Killing of Twins

11. Back then in Primary school, I
used to think that song was
“I have seen, seen the DANFO of
satan” *sighs*

12. That was how my neighbour
named her triplet Faith,
Faithful & Faithfulness… who did
those innocent children

13. Opportunity knocks but once, if
you hear a second
knock, bros check well, Na
Jehovah witness.

14. Now that SEX is so cheap &
rampant, decent girls have
become DIAMONDS, Clean men are
endangered species,
while LOVE is gradually becoming

15. Some people will come to visit you, and
forget to take their
Odour with them when leaving.
Their odour becomes your
permanent room mate.☹

16. So because your picture no fine, you
dey claim say “Beauty is
from within” WHY U NO take X- ray do
Ur Profile picture?

17. Going for an interview at a
bank….dresses like Cabo
Snoop. *sighs* No wonder your
parents didn’t use you for
Blood money…

18. YOUR partner buys you toothbrush,
toothpaste, dental floss,
& chewing stick for Xmas; & you
still don’t get the message. Your
stupidity don enter Google map
Even those that have heads like
cabin biscuit be keeping
Mo’ Hawks too. *sighs*

19. At 40, YOU are still in your parents’ house,
fighting your siblings over
who gets the head of fish. Is the
witch in your village fanning
herself with your pic?

20. Na so my Ibadan girlfriend tell me
sey she make pizza
for me……I reach house see Agege
bread with stew and
fish inside. *smh*

21. If not for anything, abeg still
Thank God sey Mosquito no
dey fit transmit HIV. Choi! E for
bloody shaa

22. Close ya mouth, no be you I dey talk about since, na the people around you and out there I dey complain about…

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