Just in case my future husband happens to be reading this.
This is 2016 and I am tired of tarrying for Mr Right.
However, I currently have 13 requirements he must meet:

1. His name must not be Emeka, Donatus or Theopholius, Linus, Sunday, Monday, Pius, Amos, Musa, Friday, Silas, Okon, Paulinus, Oghene.

2. He must not have a beer or fufu pot belly. This particular requirement is subjective depending on the circumstances surrounding the mystery of his big belly.

3. He must not be an alcoholic or a smoker.

4. He must not chew food like a screenmucher (VERY IMPORTANT)

5. He must not be traditional. Remember Mr Ken in ’s Mr and Mrs? I don’t want to be making fresh moi moi three times a day. I need a stress free man in like the man in indomie commercial that goes gaga anytime he sees noodles.

6. He must dress responsibly. I don’t want any babe to mistake my husband for Wizkid or Iceprince.

7. He must not snore loudly. I don’t want our house vibrate at night. If he must, let him snore me a lullaby.

8. He must have zero culinary skills. I don’t want some guy asking me why he is tasted maggi in the stew instead of royco. I can cook good enough for us.

9. He must be generous. I have forgotten how to make N75 soup.

10. He must NOT wear dreadlocks. Abeg, abeg, mopping sticks are still cheap in the market. No offence.

11. He must eat decent meals. I don’t want a man that thinks its okay to drink garri with boiled egg. My neighbour during my NYSC days was a savage.

12. He must not sleep with his eyes open. My best friend’s boyfriend is guilty of this. Believe me, wizards dey for this world.

13. Above all, he must be God fearing.
This is my list as at January 2015. Number 13 is the only constant prerequisite. I had to cry into the WC the day I crossed out tall, dark and handsome from my list which used to be my No1 criteria. As at January 2013, the list numbered 36 but I usually erase off one number off every 30 days of delay.

I’m just hoping this list won’t be blank before he eventually shows up.
So help me God. Amen

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